April 2009
1 post
ninety9:
fek:
“Y’all act like you’ve never seen a white person before. And yet, here we are, a decade removed from The Slim Shady LP […] literal sense. And let’s face it, you probably haven’t heard “frat” used as a word to positively describe a lot of music since Otis Day & the Knights.”
— The opening shot from Pitchfork’s Asher Roth review. Great stuff. Seriously.
Things I didn’t know...
had to get it in, now we’re done. fuckitbye....
tempted to think that meeting us for drinks is a dirty ploy to take us down, make us stop, nu? well: eh. we ran out of gas. it’s hard on the back making points and talking gibberish even we don’t understand.
The Following YM delegation will be there in full effect. We look forward to it.
also, please don’t jump us. we’re pretty defenseless.
youngmanhattanite: FYM: One of our crew is up for a drink. Spitzer’s at 10pm tonight? No dodgeball, please. This scene is bad enough as it is. This reminds me of that “assmble your crew” Prince basketball bit that Chapelle did. “Game: blouses.” No winners. The FYM crew is committed throughout the weekend, unless 11 to 12ish tomorrow night works. We all have our...
Listen
Well, I guess it’s that time for us, too. Seacrust, out.
i know. i eat shit-on san loco every night. you’d think they could come up with something better. can’t man up for the showdown, can they?
youngmanhattanite: I’m pulling a D.R.Adams. The Midget Holocaust has done me in. This is the last tum post by me, Krucoff. You people (not you, the other you) have won the war and should be congratulated. Ten pounds of defecated Bud Light-sprinkled San Loco will arrive on your doorsteps soon. I won’t delete this account (sounds nervy, eh?) but I’m removing it from the YoungManhattanite.com...
youngmanhattanite: Holy cow, FYM, how old are you? I am fully fucking aware of the fate of CBGB, which, like GG himself, lost its relevance when you were still in short pants. (I passed up the chance to see GG’s last show —which was at the Gas Station on Ave B and 2nd St.; probably a bistro now— and I don’t remember why. No great loss. I still have the issue of MRR with his funeral photo on the...
youngmanhattanite: Query to FYM: what do you hope to gain from this? There is little we can do other than give you the time of day, and even then we’ll probably be 5 minutes late. If you think you can finagle your way to internet infamy this way, you are barking up the wrong shrub. These are the dregs of a dissipated revolution. Query to the general public: which is the more overrated, Aziz...
youngmanhattanite: Query to FYM: what do you hope to gain from this? There is little we can do other than give you the time of day, and even then we’ll probably be 5 minutes late. If you think you can finagle your way to internet infamy this way, you are barking up the wrong shrub. These are the dregs of a dissipated revolution. Query to the general public: which is the more overrated, Aziz...
youngmanhattanite: Gotta admire BV: he’s going from Gawker commenter sex to Tumblr sex (dude, did you so totally go to Whisky & Ladle?). And she’s friends with cat guy! In regards to Gawker sex, does that count the blowing of past and present editorial staff? “I’ll totally admit, my life is sad enough such that random blog posts from Balk or Choire literally make my day. So a chat...
youngmanhattanite: I gotta admit, the FYM people, or that Knox fella, or whatever technology they use (look for names scrawled on the walls of Ludowick’s lower intestine?), but they sure know a lot of assholes. Like this one, who seems to love the sexy imagery of the destitute (so Williamsburg!) but not the reality of diminished ability due to inadequate education. But you keep buying $700...
Yeah, sure, but Young Israelite doesn’t have a Tumblr yet.
being “ahead” of what we were before is like being a step above…well…lorenzo’s oil jokes, which, really, we’re not. i think we can ride this thing out to it’s inevitably anti-climactic conclusion. it isn’t the shakedown on 118 rivington deez is hoping for, i’ll tell you that, now. the best we can hope for is tumblr collapsing on itself, or...
Thinking about throwing in the towel, no joke. Our man on the boat says what needed to be done is done, or getting there. I mean, where do we go after this? Do we quit while we’re ahead?
youngmanhattanite: Mykel Board visits GG Allin’s grave [What. I was tired of the meta posts.] It’s exahusting to us, too. Hard work gets done around here. You’d be surprised. We’re paid on an inverted merit system.
youngmanhattanite: It’s official: We’re being followed by the gays. And the Jews! And you will lead us to the promised land in the same fashion that Dock Ellis led the Pirates to a World Series: with a head full of acid, hitting everyone in the opposing starting lineup along the way. Just remember: when the ball starts talking to you, telling you which pitches to throw? Listen to it.
if we left them, they’d be like rose without gypsy.
youngmanhattanite: Ain’t no party once we crash the party, but if you’re nice to Krucoff—hell, if you acknowledge his presence—he’ll add you to his Dodgeball friends. And then you could purposefully follow him around like the Greek Chorus you so want to be. We don’t buy old hats: the Dodgeball trick, while an inspired and clever trap, will not catch us. Funny you bring it up, though: Deez...
youngmanhattanite: Following Following YM is like watching the Sharks throw down with the Jets, except with a lot less spirit in their fingers. We were thinking more along the lines of Margo Channing slapping around Eve Harrington, except with exponentially more menstrual issues.
youngmanhattanite: At least she was quicker on the uptake than she was with that whole tea thing. I turned down a quote oppty because it would have looked wierd in that Tumble meetup clusterfuck to ID me as “a bitter middle aged ‘consultant’ in Manhattan”. Listen, nothing would make us happier than for you to show up at a Tumblr meetup. We would join you - as per our Bloggy Entourage below - and...
Aw, jesus. Take that one down.
I read “Las Vegas Vacation Authority” as “Las Vegas Vatican Authority” earlier today. I figured we’d let that one slide until I re-read it, saw that the joke wasn’t there to begin with, and was relieved. It’s true. Anyway. I once had sex with Jack Entratter while wearing a papal robe.
youngmanhattanite: I question the Following YM troupe’s commitment to following YM. we’ve been having a roundtable chat all afternoon on how the Following YM thinktank can move forward, the contents of which i’ve made everyone swear on their lives not to post here (i promise, if you think our daily bread-and-butter is shit, god forbid you see what happens behind the scenes). in...
MESSAGE TO PETER W. KNOX
We know your audience. They would LOVE to follow YM. LOVE it. We know you can do it. Get them to the finish line. We’re allowed to try this hard. We really are. Endorse the cause, Peter. Give us your vote.
Off-task, off-task. Stay on the ball today. Look at all the progress we’ve made. Keep it moving. Nothing to see here (ever). Keep the asshattery to a minimum.
1-8-7 on a motherfucking blog
yeah, see if they’ll take you. you fucking rat. meanwhile, the jason fox thing is a great idea. we can keep running into a rival blog crew - maybe the huffington post, or a bunch of tumblrs - and getting into beefs with them at his office. julia allison can be lil’ kim, which makes sklar foxy brown pre-jail. it ends in a bloody shooting, but not before one of us asks you to hit this...
Don’t know what’s with this whole “celebrity entourage” bullshit that’s been reblogged about twenty million times, other than the fact that this Tumblechh is inching closer to MySpace than it is to a blogging platform (“MySchmutz”?). What about a bloggy entourage? If I were to ditch you ignorant sluts for some flesh-and-bones bloggers: Krucoff - Obviously....
youngmanhattanite: Urgent directive: We MUST eradicate this follower. As in, literally snatch his stupid faux-government issue eyeglasses and break them off in his esophagus. Sorry to break the “nothing before noon” rule, but good god, man. Looks like we are winning the fight, but if that’s what they’re fighting, we might want to give them room to breathe. Jesus.
youngmanhattanite: We lost another of the youngs. I can’t imagine this one will last much longer either. Meanwhile, FYM’s inner turmoil could lead to the first Tumblr suicide. That blood is on your hands, Mr. Karp. Don’t look up. If anything, Deez will die at our hands. Meanwhile: who’s our man on your boat? We know we’re doing well, though we should note that part of the intended...
Don’t count me out yet, bitches. I call his bluff and shuck his oysters. I’m going home for the night and sleeping fine. Let’s say Theater Guy does know who I am: he’s not pulling the trigger yet because he’s having fun. Besides which, one of me ain’t the three of you. Relax.
deez, you are fucked, my friend. does he know who you are?
someone tell that motherfucker to can it!
youngmanhattanite: Thanks, asshats. Now the boss is going to think I’m you again. Maybe you are. Listen, it doesn’t matter, point is: we’ll burn your Cooperstown to the ground if you try to pull that shit. Don’t even fuck around. We don’t want to resort to arson, but even we respect that modicum as an honorable club.
youngmanhattanite: All in favor of electing Jakob Lodwick to the pantheon of Those Precious Few Upon Whom YM Deigns To Look Favorably, say “aye”… Fuck that noise.
It’s more a Lorenzo’s Oil situation we’ve got going on over here. Also, Deez is 26, but if you’re into the whole invalid thing…
Yeah, PS, Vonnegut was a reblog (reblogged but not reblogged). Also: we’re under 25 and will most definitely fuck you, and we’ll be all Puccini and we’ll even let you listen to G.G. Allin while we do it.
Soupy Sales counts for nothing?
the word on the inside says that it’s working, btw.
fuck, this is getting hard. switching between gmails and tumblr logins gets fucking dizzying. be careful, gentlemen. no fuckups allowed.
youngmanhattanite: Hey, losers, he’s already following us. And that Zach Braff motherfucker is the Boss’s cousin, metaphorically-speaking. He’s about to set off on some mystical journey where he discovers okra and zydeco. We know he’s already following you. The idea is to get him to post about it - maybe with another picture of Woody Allen or something; heh, that seems to do the trick - in...
P-Dub, you can’t follow-unfollow-follow us! We need your steadfast, cocksure (sure?) support! One post about following them could give us the kickstart we need around here - a chance to lead a revolution, appeal to one’s gonzo sensibilities…Earn that tattoo.
so now that we know he’s issued the edict for them to stop watching, we can sneak up on them from behind. insert post there, slowly and gently.
hot dayum. someone showed up to work today. i don’t even want to know who; just keep it going. related: pookie the lion was a hip, hip cat. which makes deez white fang and chris black tooth. the captain approves.